a clear sense of what we want. How
often do teachers encounter unexpected
reactions to simple requests to “clean
up this center,” “behave yourselves,” or
“do your work neatly”? (I once observed
a group of kindergarten kids who were
reduced to tears when the teacher said,
“You can go home as soon as you pick
up the floor.”)
Assumptions, unclear
instructions, and nonspecific
limits are prone to misinterpretation. The markers in my middle school classroom didn’t stop
drying out until I actually took
the time to show the kids how
to make the caps click when
they were finished writing with
them. Think through what you
want ahead of time, and communicate details as clearly and
specifically as possible. (If you
really want to increase the odds
of students getting it right—and
not asking you to repeat your
instructions ad nauseum—offer
the information both verbally
and in writing.)
book or to make up 10 of his own.
Although I could see that this was
clearly working, I was concerned that
her approach was teaching him that it
was OK to be disrespectful. So imagine
my surprise when she laughed and said,
“I’m not teaching him that it’s OK to be
disrespectful. I’m teaching him that it’s
unnecessary.” It was at this point that I
effective than telling them when you’ll
be available (and letting them know that
it’s important for you to hear what they
have to say at that time).
Build relationships with parents.
Parents—especially parents of low-performing kids—are so accustomed
to hearing from the school only when
Respond to conflict
nonreactively.
Our commitments to creating a
win-win practice will be most
sorely tested when a student
objects to or refuses to do what we’ve
asked. One of the greatest lessons I ever
received came from a teaching intern.
After several days of unsuccessfully trying to get her students to complete 10
problems in the time she allotted, one
day she came in and assigned 15. When
one boy flat-out refused because “ 15
is too many,” she actually agreed with
him, admitted to having gotten carried
away with the assignment, and invited
the entire class to just pick the 10 they
felt like doing. When the same boy
came in a few days later grumbling that
he was sick of doing the problems on
the board, she invited him to pick 10 of
the problems on a specific page in the
© GALE ZUCKER
finally got my head around what win-win was all about. Respect really is in
the eye of the beholder, and being able
to not take confrontations personally
will save you a lot of grief.
Instead of criticizing, scolding, pun-
ishing, or simply labeling, respond to
negative behavior with useful informa-
tion, perhaps asking for what you want.
“That’s inappropriate” gives students no
instruction about how to behave more
appropriately. On the other hand, “We
don’t use that word here” asks kids to
change their behavior without attacking
them or making them wrong. Yelling
at kids for interrupting you or shaming
them for being needy is likewise far less
there is a problem that the defensive-
ness teachers encounter should come
as no surprise. One of the most effec-
tive ways to reverse this pattern is to let
parents hear from you regularly about
positive behavior or progress. The time
and effort you invest in sending a good
note home every week (ideally for every
student in the class, or every student in
your toughest class), can pay tremen-
dous returns. A simple checklist with
about five desirable behaviors—simple
things you know all your students are
capable of achieving—won’t take more
than a few minutes to complete. Be gen-
erous with the checkmarks or stars you
give, even if you have to dig a little. And
